12 Secrets of being Happy!

ACCEPT WHAT YOU HAVE Research shows that happy people have modest levels of expectation and aspirations — they want what they can get — while unhappy people never seem to get what they want. They also know how to avoid disappointments and how to generate pleasant surprises. This is because they strive for realistic goals and are happy with their lot. As Dr Jose de Jesus Garcia Vega, of the University of Monterrey, Mexico, confirms, we must accept things as they come. ‘We spend a lot of time complaining about the things that happen to us, but this is a waste of time and effort,’ he says. ‘To be happy, we need to enjoy what we have.’ ENJOY WHAT YOU DO
Happy people do what they enjoy and enjoy what they do — and don’t do it for the money or glory. There’s no point being stuck in a job you hate, surrounded by unfriendly colleagues just because the money is good — people forget that they are allowed to be happy at work, too. Many spend the best years of their lives trying to make money, sacrificing their health and family in the process, says Dr Garcia Vega. Later, they spend the same money they made working trying to recover their lost health and estranged family. LIVE FOR TODAY Don’t dwell on the past, on things that went wrong or previous failures. Similarly, don’t dream about an idealised future that doesn’t exist or worry about what hasn’t happened yet. Happy people live for the now; they have positive mind sets. If you can’t be happy today, what makes you think tomorrow will be different? CHOOSE HAPPINESS Don’t be afraid to step back and re-evaluate your goals. Imagine your life as a story that you can edit and revise as you go along. This kind of flexible approach requires positive thinking and an open mind — you need to actively choose to be happy. She found that ‘voluntarists’ (people who feel they have free choice and complete control over their life) were happier than fatalists (people who think little can be changed by personal intervention). ‘You always have the freedom to choose the manner in which you wish to approach any given situation,’ says Dr Garcia Vega.This theory is backed up by Ingrida Geciene of Vilnius University, Lithuania, who researched the happiness of people in 31 European countries. Luckily for us, Northern European countries contain more voluntarists while Latin European countries such as Spain and Italy have a higher percentage of fatalists. RELATIONSHIPS We get our happiness from other people, and from supporting other people. Remember that just as other people can make us happy, we are all ‘other people’ to someone else. And cherish people who are important to you. Research also shows that married people are happier than single people. STAY BUSY If you want to be happier, develop an outgoing, social personality — accept that drinks invitation, join the walking club, book group or choir. The best way to savour pleasure is in the company of others. Build a rich social life, says Eunkook M. Suh, a psychology professor at Yonsei University in Seoul, not as an obligation, but because it is rewarding, meaningful and fun. Active, busy, social people are the healthiest and happiest, in society. Get involved: make your motto ‘use it or lose it.’ Ambition is healthy and makes people happy, explains Claudia Senik, a professor at the University of Paris-Sorbonne, but envy makes them unhappy. Yet comparisons with others can spoil the benefits of ambition and are only useful if you learn something from them. Focus on your goals and dreams so you can enjoy your ambition and achievements.DON'T COMPARE BE YOURSELF Just as you shouldn’t compare yourself with others, it’s important not to worry about what others think about you — then you can truly be yourself. Happy people are spontaneous, natural and real; they say what they think and feel, and aren’t concerned what others think of them. Being oneself makes one feel free and authentic. STOP WORRYING Don’t take yourself too seriously. Happy people don’t worry and they recognise that 90 per cent of worries never come true. GET ORGANISED You might envy those laid-back bohemian types who just do things on the spur of the moment, but don’t be fooled. Happy people plan and organise, they have goals and a purpose. You can only get what you want or desire if you know what it is you want or desire in the first place. So while those chilled-out friends might seem happy, they’re actually just drifting along. THINK POSITIVE Bottling up emotions and bad feelings creates psychological distress and physical discomfort. Happy people get things off their chest, their motto is: get rid of it, or it will get rid of you. Similarly, work at developing optimistic thinking; happy people always look on the bright side. Successful athletes know to focus on winning, not losing, explains Miriam Akhtar, one of the first positive psychologists in the UK. We need to switch from a negative, glass-half-empty outlook to a glass-half-full and put optimism into practice to be happiest. Optimism is the mind’s natural self-defence mechanism against depression. VALUE HAPPINESS Happiness can be learned, but finding meaning and a purpose in life is what leads to it, not the other way around. The happiest people appreciate and realise that being happy adds years to their life, and life to their years. Extracted from The World Book Of Happiness by Leo Bormans, published by Marshall Cavendish at £19.99. © 2011 Leo Bormans. To order a copy for £16.99 (p&p free)
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